


DUTY is the death of LOVE

by Silken_Stars



Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Crying, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Jonerys, Lost Love, Madness, Mercy Killing, POV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-24
Updated: 2019-06-24
Packaged: 2020-05-19 00:47:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19346119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Silken_Stars/pseuds/Silken_Stars
Summary: The snow fell around them, winters winds whirled kissing the heat of his skin.. it reminded him of their time together. In the mountains of the North, when they mounted Dragons.. flying atop the clouds, dancing in the skies, her smile -- the violet of her hues, the way she looked at him that day and all the days before it... -- BUT this would come to an end these memories would haunt him for years to come...





	DUTY is the death of LOVE

**Author's Note:**

> Written in Jon's POV -- a deeper insight of what he felt, experienced during and after he killed Daenerys.  
> I don't support what D and D did with S8 but this was a way to add some closure to what happened. It was a drabble I wrote solely as a writing sample for RP things.

"YOU WILL ALWAYS BE MY QUEEN NOW AND FOREVER"

Daenerys eyes were a rich violet that stole your breath while looking through you, but they closed as he kissed her, one last this would be... Jon savored it, the warmth -- her love, it all. It would be the last time he held her close, to feel her breath on his. A sob crept up from his chest it loomed there, begging to burst from his chambers, his heart ached, slamming into his ribs, only breaking slowly. How could he ever forgive himself for this? Jon loved her yet he had to let her go..set her free. These thoughts they raced -- forming a violent storm within his head, he didn't want this, why must it be her? why must it be him? Dark orbs burned hot, his dark lashes brimmed heavy with tears, there was no holding back any longer, so they fell streaming down his face, each one carving furrows along the skin of his cheeks. 

The snow fell around them, winters winds whirled kissing the heat of his skin.. it reminded him of their time together. In the mountains of the North, when they mounted Dragons.. flying atop the clouds, dancing in the skies, her smile -- the violet of her hues, the way she looked at him that day and all the days before it. He fell deeply for her, it didn't take long. Danearys reeled him in, wrapped him up, had given him something, someone to believe in. These thoughts beat into him sending Jon over the edge -- the man was lost in these memories recalling their first kiss how he felt himself leap from his body. Nothing had changed. Even as he stood, gripping her in his arms he felt as he did the first day they grew closer. The times they shared on the boat sailing the calm sea, how he would wake to her watching him -- they would talk into late hours of the night, whispering faintly so no one could hear. The way her fingers danced along the scars of his chest, touching them tenderly, thoughtfully. How they learned of each other -- the secret meetings, the looks they would cast to one another -- and how he felt and longed to be beside her when they would part, even if it was only for a few days. Jon wished he had never told, yearned for things to go back to the way they once were, she did not deserve this...not after all she had been through but she had changed and Jon knew he was to blame for her downfall into this endless descend to madness. He might have well been on the back of Drogon that dreaded day, laying waste to Kings Landing -- and all its innocence. To him, she had done wrong, so had he... even with all the wrong she had done Jon still loved her...” she was his queen now and always... " his own words rung within his head - snapping him back to reality, tears were still streaming down his face, they hadn't stopped. 

Jon's free hand slipped from her -- grabbing the long dagger laying at his hip, unsheathing it, his hands gripped the hilt tightly. Jons' lips were trembling against hers, only deepening the locking of their mouths, in one swift motion the dagger was sent into her chest, and as it disappeared into her Jon winced thinking of the pain -- how it felt, he knew it well but even here and now he could feel the tearing of metal sinking itself into his chest, it wasn't the blade that caused the pain, it was his heart breaking, tearing -- bleeding out for his lost love and the life he just took. Danearys pulled from him, violet gaze losing a shade of color, that light left her eyes, a horrified expression flickered her features looking up at him..pain, hurt and lastly betrayal, she wheezed, rasped, lips moved but no words emitted. Her body fell into his arms weak and limp. Jon struggled to keep his tears silent -- but as she took her final breath, he wept. A sob tore from his throat, cradling her lifeless body in his arms, Jons breathing hitched, weak knees falling to the snow, emotional pain flowed out of his every pore. From his mouth came a cry so raw it echoed in the quiet calm air. The world turned into a blur, and so did all the sounds. The taste. The smell. Everything was just gone. Jon held her close rocking, his shaking hands closing eyes that laid open so she may finally have peace.. he brought her body into his lap, holding her to him. She couldn’t be alone.. she had been alone for too long, he didn’t want to leave her. Jon could feel himself unraveling, the threads of every happy memory he could ever once recall, all but disarray of strings scattered about his feet. 

The cry of a dragon woke Jon from his slumber, he jolted looking around blinking the man’s dark eyes adjusting to confined space around him, a sheen layer of sweat covered his chest. It was dark, damp, humid... slowly, painfully sore muscles moved as he sat upright from the hard stone ground. Each day was like this he would wake from a dream, sometimes a nightmare— forced back into a reality Jon no longer wanted to be a part of, he longed for the day whenever that may be that he was executed. Weeks had grown into months, since her death, since Greyworm captured him, imprisoning him here. Jon was given very little food and water, it was just enough to keep him alive. And he suffered from it, the lack of water made him delusional— he was tormented with hallucinations. In these visions, he saw her.. she would stare and watch him in the corners, wander the room.. the first time it happened Jon chased after her — pleading, calling out. Though he could never truly reach her because she was not there. The worse of them came at night when he would hear her voice calling to him, the shadows moved— and in them, he could only see the sliver of Daenerys hair. He would close his eyes shut waiting for it to pass, whispering to himself that she is gone. 

All he did was sleep - it was the only place he could truly touch and hold her.. in these dreams they were far away from Westeros, somewhere warm — the door of their home was red, like the one she spoke about in their talks, and just outside the window of this home was a tree, baring sour lemon fruits. Jon and her would ride the backs of dragons, across stretches of sea, flying among the clouds —exploring lands unknown to others, secrets places only they dared to go. Some of his dreams she would be with child— he came to her, his son cradled in her arms, rocking him, humming sweetly. The dream always grew dark as he could never reach her, never to be able to truly hold his kin. These dreams only drew him further to madness.. what was he holding onto anymore? What would his life be and how would he get over this endless torment? They wanted him punished but this was far beyond that.. guilt was tearing him apart. Something like death wouldn’t be a punishment— but a sweet desired mercy. Jon leaned his back against the wall, raven curls tossed, dirty - untamed, concealing his features, framing the structure of his face. his dark tired eyes would drift about the room— he wondered when it would be his time? He had no idea what was happening outside — who was still alive? His tired hues closed off as the man drifted back into a deep sleep. Behind his lids danced his eyes, a storm brewed — conjuring up another dream. In this dream, he sat alone - in this same cell. It was late, dark had fallen. Obsidian orbs grown wide, a voice whispered one too familiar — calling from beyond the door. “ Jon “ it spoke, growing louder, the voice grew quiet and just as the silence settled a knock followed breaking it. Jon’s pulse quicken, the voice which called to him moments ago belonged to her, rising to his full height bare feet drifted across the room. 

He took a breath, hands pushing the door open. There Dany stood just outside, dark eyes met hers, drifting to look upon her frame. She was covered in blood, though the dress she wore was dark, Jon could see how the crimson color stained the fabric. He shuddered and stumbled backwards as she drifted towards him, a look of confusion started on her features - he shook violently. “ Jon.. ?“ her pink lips parted with a weak smile. “ Are you frightened by me? “ She questioned raising both brows, shaking her head. The queen drew herself closer to him-- Jon stepped forward, lurching at her --strong arms wrapped around her. " NO -- " his voice quaked " I could never.. " the tone that clung to his words were weak, speaking in a gruff whisper. Jons' hands moved to hold her face, looking deeply into her eyes, he watched the worry fade, the smile on her pout brightened. She spoke no more, but she didn't have to.. " I'm so sorry. " Jon hands fell, lowering his head to rest on her shoulder, tears wetting his eyes.. he slumped into her, struggling to hold the weight of his weakened body. " You mustn't -- apologize " she spoke sweet, her hand moved through his hair caressing his head gently. " Soon you will be with me.. we will be together again " Jon sniffled, pulling away from her slowly -- just as he moved from her -- his eyes caught the silver shine of the blade, her small hand lunged, stabbing him in his chest. Jon gasped the pain piercing -- sharp. " I - you.. " He heaved looking down, the crimson blood pooled, pouring out -- his shaken digits hovered over the hilt of the blade. Jon bent slightly stumbling, dark hues held pain in them, Jon gazed up at her.. and Danearys shifted toward him. " Duty is the death of love, Jon Snow. " Her voice hissed out -- and all sounds ceased.

The heavy wooden door of his prison dragged open, the sound pulled him from his dream, jumping suddenly " Jon.." The voice of Tyrion called out softly, twisted his head quickly, the line of reality blended in on his self and at a first glance, he thought as if he was dreaming again. There was a sense of comfort that devoured him as Tyrion, neared closer.. it was the first kind face he had seen in a long while. Jon sat saddened eyes didn't look at him.. and waited not for Tyrion to say anything. " Was it right? -- What I did? "Jon asked, still he didn't look up, swallowing hard. A sort of silence drifted between them.. " What we did.. " Tyrion corrected. Jon prattled on solemnly, tears glistened in his eyes, threatening to spill but he dare not to let them. " It doesn't feel right.. "


End file.
